On "Medicated Barbies" & (a World) Not Safe for Facebook, Plus Tanning Moms and Pirates

So I’ve become a (sometimes reluctant, but who isn’t?) user of Facebook—or that infection otherwise known as “social media”—though I’m pretty intermittent, maintaining some self-discipline to only log on when I have the time (yeah, right). I told a friend I’ve gotten down to a few minutes a day (check True/False): But I do try to have fun with it when I’m on, usually joking around with old friends. (And where’s the harm in that?) I saw with some satisfaction that our Overlords at FB are doing a redesign (an article about it appeared yesterday in the NY Times, here), which I’m all in favor of, considering FB as it looks now is one of the ugliest, most-cluttered webpages I visit. And when she sees those annoying ads in the margins, my daughter keeps asking me, “Who wants you to date older women, Daddy? Are you going to divorce Mommy?” And I’m like, “No, Darling. That’s just the Facebook cartel, trying to sell people. Can you spell human trafficking?”
But besides the bad design, I’ve noticed that FB makes us all so polite, due to the public nature of making comments that can be viewed by the many “friends” we have. I’ve coined a term: NSFB, Not Safe for Facebook. It’s like NSFW (Not Safe for Work), but instead of risque images, it refers to an anecdote/quip I want to tell a friend, but don’t want to paste it on the site for all to see. Like my idea for a new Medicated Barbie: She’s rather sleepy, moody, and petulant. Her hair’s a mess but she has a ton of hot clothes. You have to coax and plead with her to get her to come out of her box. And you can make her talk if you call her on the tiny cellphone accessory, but all she says is a lazy, drawling, “Whatever.”
But if I put that on FB, I’m sure I’d offend some friend of mine. On FB, I notice it’s safer to keep it simple and upbeat. Though sometimes we take that too far, don’t we? I mean, “I like Walmart”? Or “I like Target”? What next? Are we going to start getting corporate sponsors for our friendships? “Oh, that’s Tammy. She’s my Hope Depot friend of the week!” Plus my friend Jason? He just ordered an Older Medicated Barbie: You open the box and out walks that horrible Tanning Mom woman, ready to visit the spa and raise some hell.
So I’m getting only healthy role model dolls for my little one, like these clean-cut scurvy dogs: